the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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