Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
