Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
