I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
