Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
