My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
