my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
