dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
