Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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