I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
