We named our party play list daddy issues
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
