I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
