Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
