hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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