I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
