I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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