smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
