Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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