I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
