No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
