There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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