I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
