Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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