How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Randomize
