I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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