Porn is love you can see.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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