We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
