Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
