Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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