you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
