I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
