I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
