btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
