no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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