i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
