If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
