I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
