So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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