I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
