I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
