I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
