just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
