i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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