you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
