I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Small penises have feelings too.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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