My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
