my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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