I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
