he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize