I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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