Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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