just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
