At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
