Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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