I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
