playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
