im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
