Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
