I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Come see our sink grown plant.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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