when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize