think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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