So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
