Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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