The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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