the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
false alarm, still single
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
