There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
