Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize