The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
