Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
