I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
